Sunday morning at the beach. I love going down around 8am, it's fresh, it's quiet, it's sunshine sparkles dancing on the water, it's paradise. Nice camera bag shadow Joyce!! - Not!! - That's what happens when there is only 10 mins to take 10 photos.
We had ourselves a couple of hours down there, and snuck home before the heat of the sun was at its full strength on our skin.
Since then, the boys have been playing, relaxing, napping and I have been cutting and sewing. I am making library bags for school children who no longer have library bags. I also have some new books, one for each library bag. You just cannot have a library bag without a book to go in it now.
Ok here goes - the following you may, or you may not wish to read. I almost deleted it, but then it's part of Joyce, and it's Joyce's blog. It's how I am, I have chosen to leave it, so now you can choose to read it or not. It's up to you, that is YOUR choice.
I think I have found the old Joyce back again today. I think I know why too. You know when something is bugging you, and you feel off somehow? You feel that things are not just right - everything seems to be at odds and ends - you cannot sit still, you cannot relax, you cannot sleep, you feel all jumpy under the skin and annoyed at yourself for not being able to do more and 'get on with things'? You feel a huge sense of helplessness? Well this has been me lately. I feel bad that we are on holidays and the sun is shining and we are enjoying the beach. I feel bad that we have food, our home, each other. I feel bad about ALL of it. I snapped at my boys yesterday when they were arguing - I mean I snapped like as in really snapped at them and told them how dare they act like this towards each other when there are so many children without a home, not even a toothbrush or their favourite cup. I told them there were children sweeping stinking mud, and piling all the stuff from where their house used to be into a big pile of muddy goo to be taken away to the tip because everything is ruined. Then I felt bad, I felt awful for talking to my children this way. I should not dump my crap onto my children, I should not talk to them like this. I was exactly the same as a kid. It's just what kids do really.
Then early hours of this morning, I got over myself. As I snuck through the house and sat on my little boy's beds watching them sleep, remembering the moment they were born from me, remembering so many moments in their 8 and 6 years, kissing them and then heading back to bed. I smiled and I meant it, and I got over myself.
Today is a new day, we went down to the beach, it was lovely, I saw it with my eyes, I enjoyed it with every single breath. I laughed with my family, because that is just what we are supposed to do. We laugh together, we cry together, we hurt together, we work together. It's the only way families can swing really. It all HAS to be together.
And you know what, I no longer feel *ugg* and *yick* and crapola. The headache is gone. I am making library bags for kids, I am putting books in those library bags. Today I made 6 library bags, I am not sure how many I am going to make, but I am going to do as many as I can. I am going to find a school to donate them to. Directly to that school. I am going to ring the office and speak to someone in that office and get their postal address and directly post them to that particular school to give to some of the children. Perhaps they will start the school library with these books and share them and the library bags so that everyone gets a turn, maybe some other people are making library bags too, so then there is more to go around. How wonderful that would be to know I am part of 'Task Force Library Bag'.
I have another plan too you know. Each year we have a little street party. 2010 we didn't have one because people were working, people were away, people were committed up to the neck in diary entries and appointments etc. So I am going to organise a street party fundraiser, of which all monies raised will be donated directly to a preschool or nursing home that were affected by the recent floods. Again, I will directly contact the establishment we all decide on to donate our money to and I will get their address and send the money directly to their account for them to use where they need it most. It may only be $100.00, but you know what, that is ok.
So if you are reading THIS LINE of typing, then I hope you were not upset by my words, I hope I make sense, I hope I have explained myself properly. I hope maybe you smiled a little or even nodded a little, whether the fact that it confirms to you that I am totally nuts, or perhaps you kinda felt a little the same way - maybe - a little bit.
I do know that these floods have affected everyone I have come into contact with - because we have all talked about it, we have all prayed and we all know someone affected. It hurts, it breaks out hearts, we feel helpless, we want to sign up and grab a shovel, drive a truck, make stuff, console, share what we have. We are human, it's natural to be this way, it's good to be this way.
This is Joyce's Journal - thanks for stopping by, thanks for accepting me as me, just thanks.
Kiss the ones you love - love the ones you love - live in and love the moment you are in with them.